ninety-three

now is the time to
open my arms
and love

hello

ninety-two

funny how all the bad things
pile up into one big heap
of tears and emptiness

tomorrow none of this will matter
but why does it still feel like i'm only
half alive
i thought this place would complete me
and instead it's only more of the same
what am i looking for?
it's always someone else, somewhere else
and i thought that the now was just waiting
for me right here
but it seems it's still
out of reach

don't say it
please don't say you're feeling it too
it makes it so much worse
because it feels real then

ninety-one

i fucking hate you for reading it
you knew it, you knew you'd hit us all
you're thinking you're better.
that still-contented smirk
drunk off your own goodness
i hate you because i wanted it to be for me
i thought it was mine, ours
it wasn't
it was all for someone else
you, probably--you and all of those things
those girls you never knew
you didn't know me
you fucker, you fucker
you read it and didn't think of me
you've forgotten everything