thirteen

of all the things my mind could tell me
i hear only this

just
let
go.

and i think
i just
might.

twelve

before they come in
we make up martinis
we taste the wines
and try the soup

eleven

"just be yourself," she says
be yourself
but memorize the wine list
because white goes with white meat
(except pinot noir)
and all are dry but some more dry
some off-dry
some red, some white,
but you should just know
and know the foods
and which garnish goes
on which plate
wear black, all black
and smile
and don't talk too much
(especially about yourself)
and always keep a straight mind
practice the manners (you didn't know existed!)
be presentable!
serve serve serve
because it's not about you
all so you can take home some cash
at the end of the night


sounds a lot like
me
being myself

ten

it seems i never miss people
until they're gone
and then what's the point?

she leaves tomorrow
and all the things i can't say
grow in silence

i often say that there is no potential
that what happens, happens
what doesn't, doesn't
but it feels like
this summer
had potential

i want my friends to find themselves
as long as they don't lose me
in the meanwhile

don't lose me
don't lose me
come home
soon

nine

the clouds hung over
as the rain drizzled
we stayed inside.

but then
there was
sun shining softly
the waters open
our boat coasting, skimming
running across those little waves

we held on
fingers clasping soft handles
and all you can see are those waters
the boat has parted
and the speed going faster faster
and you hold on until that one moment
you feel yourself flying
bouncing
floating
and everything stops
and starts over

we sailed out to hidden falls
climbing rocks and roots until we reached them
those plummetting tumbles
all the noise and life
and then you look up and the sky is
still
so
blue
we dove in together, in that swimming hole
and it was so COLD COLD COLD
you didn't think you would make it
and we swam under the falls
the water like a big sheet you used to hide under
when you didn't want to wake up
and everything so fast and
still so slow
like static
and you don't want to leave

and then there was the boat again
we sprawled in our bathing suits
and everywhere it was legs and bellies and blonde hair
and the sun baking us
soaking our browned skin

the mountains were always there
and you don't notice until you really look and you realize
they're everywhere
so green and plush-like
you want to wrap yourself in them
and the sun started to set
it felt like forever
every moment the colors changing
but they didn't fade until we were inside
playing board games
and then there were stars and music
and the cool breeze of a may night
those waters holding all of your day's memories

we sat around on comfy couches
watching love movies
laughing
until one by one
we fell asleep
awakened by the morning call
to leave