on poetry

i've never been lost in the ocean
but i think i know what it must feel like

i'm looking for some kind of footing
but it slips off me
i'm looking for some way to define myself
i'm looking for the words to understand
how to fucking say what i want to say

dammit!

i've become your bucket
to fill with the sand of your needs
i've become the passionless voice of
opposition, until it gets too close to home
and then i'm no voice at all

i hate these silly poems
i hate my constant thoughts
but i'm too passive to feel anything

i meant to
i meant to feel something
it just wasn't there
it isn't