thirty-eight

she is still everything to me.
i want to just package it up and hand it to her
so she can open it up in 20 years and remember
just what it was like when she was in college
and life was simple and
so
fucking
beautiful.
i want to give her the most beautiful day she has ever known
perfect in an idealistic, unrealistic sort of way
but it is real
and tangible
and happening right then
and will happen over again in her memories
and i want to take the pain of memories away from her
that pang of sadness you get when things have lost their beauty
and you remember things as they were
that day as it was
in all of its glory.

A good day is
good friends
good weather
good food
good fuckin' times
i’m pained just to think of it
all the beauty there will be for me
that i don’t want to leave behind

19
i want it to be her best yet
i haven’t done enough lately for her
i want to give her everything
still
i want to show her that she is the only one i am comfortable enough around
to act independent of thought
to never be conscious of what she thinks of me
and to still care about her

i want to sing her a song
a perfect song
that tells her everything
that i can never say


(from spring '05)